Heroes of Barsaive

The Return of Aardelea 6

The Rocketsteeds were finally in sight of Barsaivian soil again after many months away, and their troubles were finally over… or were they?

The Cloudslicer was attacked by Iopan battle-skiffs, and despite a spirited defense, shot from the sky. The PCs, having bailed out via magic, ran into an Iopan foot patrol moments later, but were not much endangered.

Then, true to their name, they ventured forth the rest of the journey on magic horses. At one camp site a group of Theran air sailors attempted to abduct Aardelea back, causing her to manifest her strange draconic powers in anger to fight them off, and surely further traumatizing her.

However the PCs finally reached Icewing’s lair once more, turned over the girl, accepted a rare and powerful magic item as a reward, and promptly pawned it to buy something they wanted more.

Comments

Alan (DM): (Holding up gaming mat) The kinks just disappeared.
János (Tuzigoot): My kinks won’t just disappear.
Alan (DM): What?
János (Tuzigoot): (Shakes head) Just move on.

János (Tuzigoot): So someone coaching volleyball at a rec center recognized me by name and I have no idea who she was.
Doc (Molokhai): Well, you are a registered sex offender, so she might have known you from that.

Alan (DM): So you’re on an airship sailing across the sky-
Gordon (Petr): We’re still low on food.
Alan (DM): No.
Patrick (Cro-Mag): Why do you think we went back for the corpse?

Alan (DM): You hear the distinctive sound of the drums beating to quarters.
János (Tuzigoot): Also known as ‘get a room!’
Gordon (Petr): You’re a pervert!
Alan (DM): Everyone’s running around and pulling on things.

Alan (DM): That [shot] was murderous among the crew… Some of them are killed outright.
Patrick (Cro-Mag): How long a conversation do you get with Speak with Dead?
János (Tuzigoot): “Teach me your job!”

Patrick (Cro-Mag): I crit the rigging… If there’s one thing I know, it’s cordage. The reason you never see goliath children is because [goliath reproduction] requires very elaborate bondage rituals.

Alan (DM): Are you trying to figure out if you can solve this problem with a stupid ritual?

Doc (Molokhai): Or Phantom Steed, which lets us fly and not leave tracks, and are exactly like the speeder bikes in Return of the Jedi except they happen to be horse-shaped.

Gordon (Petr): As a Minnesotan who thinks Reconstruction should never have ended and we should still be aggressively dominating the South-
János (Tuzigoot): To take a mainstream view.

Alan (DM): (Failing to find more accurate counter art) So Aardelea is a halfling with a spear.
Gordon (Petr): A catatonic halfling with a spear. We put her in a bush.
Patrick (Cro-Mag): Better than putting a spear in her bush.

Gordon (Petr): You didn’t tell us about the other dudes.
Alan (DM): I tried to but you were telling too many dirty jokes.

Patrick (Cro-Mag): That hits her?
Alan (DM): Aardelea, who may be the most bad-ass eight-year-old you’ve ever met, is not 21st level.

Patrick (Cro-Mag): Are you a cheese-eating surrender monkey?
Gordon (Petr): I’ve never understood why people call the French that.
Alan (DM): It sounds good.
Doc (Molokhai): It doesn’t have to make sense if it sounds good.
Gordon (Petr): I’m fine with that as long as we badmouth the South too.
Alan (DM): Grits-eating secession monkeys.

Patrick (Cro-Mag): I attack Goldie, Goldie Hawn.
Doc (Molokhai): (singing) Carry on my wayward son…
János (Tuzigoot): Why did you just start singing that?
Doc (Molokhai): ‘Cause it rhymes with “Goldie Hawn” if you don’t think about it very much.

Gordon (Petr): Aardelea really needs to get used to seeing violent death around her.
Alan (DM): She needs to get over her skittishness about casual murder?

Doc (Molokhai): (Before saying something funny) Gordon, don’t drink right now.

Gordon (Petr): Sunrods aren’t stupid!
Alan (DM): Yes they are! “Let’s invent an elaborate and complicated light system and then introduce a 10gp item that negates it.”

Alan (DM): Icewing says "I see you have brought Aardelea. I will-
János (Tuzigoot): “Bill you for her therapy sessions.”

Doc (Molokhai): I want hot, hot geopolitical implications.

Doc (Molokhai): I like how none of these [quest] options are “Disguise yourselves as Theran commandos and kill all of their firstborn children.”
Alan (DM): They give those jobs to other people.
Patrick (Cro-Mag): People with less moral principles than us.
Everyone: Wow.

The Return of Aardelea 6
gnfnrf mcghiever

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